Dec 07 2008
Bogus Bosoms Lost to the Brine
There was a time, an age ago, when I would sit back and roll up a nice.. ah.. ’smoke’. My friends and I, we would pass it around, and let all of that delicious.. ‘nicotine’, flow through our brains and soothe the restrictions on our collective imaginations. Now, if you’ve never sat amongst a ring of friends, facing inward, passing the ‘cigarette’, and talking.. well.. you could never imagine the sort of debates, conversations, and generally addle-minded intrigue that might pop up.
In those days, I would sit back and think, “These are the world’s finest conversations. So random. Nothing could ever be more ridiculous than the things that get said here.” - In those days, we did not have Ralph magazine, it would seem. What follows next is so good, not even a group of stoned kids could make this up.
More than 130,000 inflatable breasts have been lost to the sea on their way to Australia. Men’s magazine, ‘Ralph’, was planning to include the fake boobs as a free gift with their January issue. $200,000.00 dollars in plastic breasts was a big loss to the publisher ACP’s parent company, PBL, which is already $4.3 billion in debt. A spokeswoman for Ralph said the container left the docks in Beijing almost two weeks ago, but turned up empty in Sydney this week. The magazine has put an alert out to shipping authorities to see if they’ve found the gaggle of fake tits , but if they don’t turn up in the next fourty-eight hours, it will be too late for the next issue!
Ralph editor Santi Pintado urged anyone who has any information to contact the magazine. In what is sure to be the most quotable sentence of the year, and one of the only things to make me near wet myself, Santi also had this to say -
“Unless Somali pirates have stolen the breasts, it is difficult to explain where they are. If anyone finds them washed up on a beach, please let us know”.
Blogger’s Comment: “I was pretty excited to read this. I haven’t seen $200,000.00 worth of fake breasts since last year’s Oscars. And I am only a man. The thought of that many fictitious tits.. well.. it almost takes my mind off of Miss Page’s severe illness. Just a LITTLE. God Bless her. And God Bless the person who finds those make-believe mammaries. I wish it could be me. I wish I could feel like a winner, just this once.”
