Life is Tragic

 Burger King Corp. may have come up with just the thing. The home of the Whopper has launched a new men’s body spray called “Flame.” The company describes the spray as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.“

The fragrance is on sale at New York City retailer Ricky’s NYC in stores and online for a limited time for $3.99.

Burger King is marketing the product through a Web site featuring a photo of its King character reclining fireside and naked but for an animal fur strategically placed to not offend.

Did I put this here just to make you hungry? You bet your ass.

The marketing ploy is the latest in a string of viral ad campaigns by the company. Burger King is also in the midst of its Whopper Virgins campaign that features an taste test with fast-food “virgins” pitting the Whopper against McDonald’s Corp.’s Big Mac.

Burger King Holdings Inc. shares rose 15 cents to close at $20.53.

Blogger’s Comment: “I-… W-… Ho–… Wha–.. all I can do is sigh. Not only because Burger King is making cologne now (Because as you know, I am an avid BK advertisement supporter!), but.. well.  This is the best that the internet could offer me at three in the morning? Sure, I could have put up some more police brutality (There’s lots of it!), but they don’t need me to help them make a joke of themselves. At least, any further. They do a damn fine job of it. On a lesser note, I’m going to need a bigger back seat with all of the fat chicks I’ll be baggin’ with this stuff. Hoo-wee.”

New research done at Harvard Medical School has shattered to belief that Coca-Cola works as an after sex spermicide. School researcher Deborah Anderson has gone on record as saying that there is no evidence to support the belief that the drink’s acidity kills sperm. Anderson also said that sperm is likely, anyhow, to outswim the sugary douche and get to the cervix first.

She also noted that the soft drink also damages the top layer of cells within the vagina, removing healthy bacteria and making a woman more prone to STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases). The drink is still used as a contraceptive in some poor countries, and was used in this same manner in the United States during the 1950s and 1960s.

Blogger’s Comment: “THIS JUST IN - At the same time that Harvard Medical School was debunking the theory of Cola Cola as a sperm killer,  it was also revealed that spermicide works just fine as a sperm killer. Tune in next week, when we here at Life is Tragic compile a list of ten recommendations on how to continue getting away with pouring Coca Cola between your girlfriend and/or wife’s thighs.”

Friends! Countrymen! Internet Denizens!

What I have for you today is not a news story. Apparently, December 15th is the day that the world is boring - nothing but normal, old, vanilla news, I’m afraid. FEAR NOT, THOUGH. Today, I have something to rant about. I will make it short, I promise, since it’s already five o’ clock in the morning.

www.whoppervirgins.com

You might see that and think, ‘Oh great, another asshole complaining about how wrong it is for them to promote their food in such a way’. You, my friends, would be wrong! Since I’ve started blogging, I’ve had the chance to dig through a ton of other blogs, watching people, seeing what they have to say, letting them entertain me. I was rather surprised at the sheer number of people, however, that have posted a rant or a complaint, or just a quick, general bitch about Burger King and their new marketing strategy. Not me, though. I’m down with it. The most common complaint, that I’ve seen, runs along the same general lines as what I shall put below, in it’s own space, so you cannot miss it!

 ”This is an outrage! Burger King is feeding their product to foreign people! Teasing them with this food! They should be putting all of that money into solving their hunger problems, not making them sample fast food!”

Clearly, these are not the exact words - just a summary of them.  You know what? Leave ‘em alone. Guess whose problem it is to solve the hunger issue in third-world countries? Not Burger King’s, I can damn well tell you that. What Burger King needs to do is sit back, stop their travel all around the whole damn world, and keep making me delicious hamburgers. What Burger King does with their millions (billions?) is up to them, I suppose, but I can’t see where the shock is coming from that they would do this for advertisement. They’re a fast food joint - not a helping hands group.

Anyway. Uh. Happy December 15th?