Life is Tragic

A Prince George’s County police lieutenant charged four times this year with driving under the influence passed out behind the wheel of a running police cruiser in one incident, had to be tasered and pepper-sprayed in another and was at fault in a hit-and-run in a third, Laurel Police said yesterday.

In February, an officer found Lt. Kenneth W. Parrish, 44, asleep in the cruiser, its emergency lights on, in front of Laurel High School shortly after noon on a school day, a spokesman for the Laurel police said. Parrish’s cruiser was in the road, running and in drive, his foot resting on the brake pedal and his body slumped over the steering wheel, spokesman Jimmy Collins said.

Parrish, a 20-year veteran who was off-duty at the time, was charged and released to the county police. He was suspended that day.

“It doesn’t appear that he’s going to be reinstated, obviously,” said Maj. Andy Ellis, a county police spokesman.

Blogger’s Comment: “Mmm. It’s good to know that the police are watching our backs! It’s a short post today, I’m aware, but life calls! And when a bitch calls her pimp, he must attend to ‘dat ho’.

It was a little before 8 at night when the breaker went out at Emily Milburn’s home in Galveston. She was busy preparing her children for school the next day, so she asked her 12-year-old daughter, Dymond, to pop outside and turn the switch back on. As Dymond headed toward the breaker, a blue van drove up and three men jumped out rushing toward her. One of them grabbed her saying, “You’re a prostitute. You’re coming with us.” Dymond grabbed onto a tree and started screaming, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.” One of the men covered her mouth. Two of the men beat her about the face and throat.

As it turned out, the three men were plain-clothed Galveston police officers who had been called to the area regarding three white prostitutes soliciting a white man and a black drug dealer. All this is according to a lawsuit filed in Galveston federal court by Milburn against the officers. The lawsuit alleges that the officers thought Dymond, an African-American, was a hooker due to the ‘tight shorts’ she was wearing, despite not fitting the racial description of any of the female suspects. The police went to the wrong house, two blocks away from the area of the reported illegal activity, Milburn’s attorney, Anthony Griffin, stated.

Bad enough, right? OH, BUT IT DOES GET SO MUCH BETTER!

After the incident, Dymond was hospitalized and suffered black eyes as well as throat and ear drum injuries. Three weeks later, according to the lawsuit, police went to Dymond’s school, where she was an honor student, and arrested her for assaulting a public servant. Griffin says the allegations stem from when Dymond fought back against the three men who were trying to take her from her home. The case went to trial, but the judge declared it a mistrial on the first day, says Griffin. The new trial is set for February. “I think we’ll be okay.” says Griffin. “I don’t think a jury will find a 12-year-old girl guilty who’s just sitting outside her house. Any 12-year-old attacked by three men and told that she’s a prostitute is going to scream and yell for Daddy and hit back and do whatever she can. She’s scared to death.“

Since the incident more than two years ago, Dymond regularly suffers nightmares in which police officers are raping and beating her and cutting off her fingers, according to the lawsuit. Griffin says he expects to enter mediation with the officers in early 2009 to resolve the lawsuit.

Update: This is from the officers’ lawyer, William Helfand:

Both the daughter and the father were arrested for assaulting a peace officer. “The father basically attacked police officers as they were trying to take the daughter into custody after she ran off.” Also, “The city has investigated the matter and found that the conduct of the police officers was appropriate under the circumstances.” Helfand says. “It’s unfortunate that sometimes police officers have to use force against people who are using force against them. And the evidence will show that both these folks violated the law and forcefully resisted arrest.“

Blogger’s Comment: “I like to think that I have seen, if not all of the worst stuff that the internet has to offer, then at least a vast majority of it. This story did not manage to surprise me, as I’ve long been a loud voice in the cry out against brutal law enforcement - and stupid people, both of which are spots that these cops fill. It did, however, make me cringe. A lot. Poor girl. There’s not even anything snarky that I can say about this. Wow.”

Only one manner of criminal stalks the sleepy, 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humor and a screwdriver. Tourists have left the residents of this charming village steaming mad by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named home. But while they find it hilarious, the residents of Fucking, Austria are failing to see the funny side of the criminal act. The local authorities now, though, are hitting back with new signs that are set in concrete, and with police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger on the lookout.

“We will not stand for the Fucking signs to continue to be removed. It may be very amusing for the British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. No more and no less.”, one officer was quoted as saying.

Local tourist guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had fixation with Fucking.

“The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg. Every American seems to only care about ‘The Sound of Music’, since it was shot around Salzburg. The occasional Japanese tourist will want to see Hitler’s birthplace, in Braunau. But for the British, it is all about Fucking.”, the tour guide also said.

“Bitte - nicht so schnell!” is German for “Please - not so fast!”

Guesthouse manager Augustina Lindelbauer described the village’s breathtaking lakes, forests, and vistas, yet also had this to say, “There is still an obsession with Fucking. Just this morning, I had to tell an English lady that there were no Fucking postcards.

I don’t know how severe the stolen sign problem there really is, but Austria is indeed home to a town called ‘Fucking’. (48′ 03″N 13′ 51″E). Pronounced ‘fooking’, the little hamlet of Fucking is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century. His name? Focko.

Blogger’s Comment: “I think the sign with the children on it is the most humorous part of this entire article. Or so sayeth the weensy urine droplets on the front of my pantaloons. Ugh. I am so easily amused. I wish the internet would hurry and desensitize my love for bad humor as much as it has my love for tits.”

Jacen Solo - Eldest son of Han Solo and Leia Organa Solo, the younger twin of Jaina Solo and the older brother of Anakin Solo. A child who grew into a man. A man who grew into a Jedi Knight. A Jedi Knight who grew into a Sith Lord. He was a man to be feared, (Read: Killed many ‘named’ characters), and a man to be respected. It has been told in the annals of Intergalactic History that he died at the hands of his older, twin sister in a duel to be remembered.

So I have to ask: What was he doing in a gas station restroom, in Arkansas?

MOUNTAIN HOME, Ark. – Bare footprints on a toilet seat led sheriff’s deputies to find a man hidden away inside a Baxter County gas station ceiling, apparently “on a mission” to steal, officials said Tuesday. Jeremy J. Fleming, 34, of Midway, initially refused to offer his name to sheriff’s deputies after his arrest early Tuesday morning, Sgt. Bob Bushbacher said. Fleming later told deputies his name was “Jason Solo,” though fingerprints gave his identity away, it was reported.

Fleming entered the Triangle Citgo Mini-Mart in Midway barefoot around 1:30 a.m. and walked into the women’s bathroom, Bushbacher said. After 20 minutes, Fleming walked into the employee’s bathroom and later returned to the women’s. An hour passed and an employee decided to check on the man. The bathroom was empty, but the employee found footprints on the toilet seat and a ceiling tile torn down. The employee called police after hearing rustling in the gas station’s ceiling.

A sheriff’s deputy arrived and called out to Fleming, asking him to come down from the ceiling. Fleming initially refused, but crawled out of the ceiling in the men’s room thirty minutes later, Bushbacher said. When asked what he was doing, Fleming told the deputy he was “on a mission” to steal. Though he acted irrational, Fleming did not have an odor of alcohol about him at the time of his arrest, the sergeant noted.

“The officer this morning said that the guy was somewhat irrational,” Bushbacher said. “Well, yeah. The guy comes into a business at 1:30 in the morning with no shoes on and is going from bathroom to bathroom crawling around in the ceiling. I can see how you could classify that as irrational or somewhat unusual behavior.” Fleming faces criminal mischief and criminal trespassing charges. He was being held Tuesday at the Baxter County Jail on $710 bond. (He’s boned, if all he has is a cred chip.)

Mountain Home Law Enforcement would only release this still photo from the gas station footage.

Blogger’s Comment:  I can see the confusion in the report. It’s clear that the deputies who were taking it were merely assuming it to be the ‘normal’ spelling of Jason. That is the main problem with dealing with earth’s police force. Those are the struggles that you come across, especially in Arkansas. If a long-thought-dead Sith Lord cannot have his name spelled right, you have to ask yourself - is there really justice?

I’m not married. I have no real plans for marriage. However, as long as I have been with my girlfriend, we might as well be married. Sure, I have the occasional dream of, oh, making her strip naked and frolic through our non-existent garden while I take shots at her with an air gun. Of course, I don’t. Maybe I’m not ambitious. Maybe I have common sense. Most likely, and I am no scientist, I probably have something in my brain, a proverbial switch, that keeps me from doing insane things. Maybe I’m just level-headed! However, the next time that I get told that I am an overbearing taskmaster, you can guarantee that I am printing this story out and leaving it on her pillow –

Vedran Ribaric, 26, forced his wife Mirna to strip down to her knickers (see below), and run around her garden while he took pot shots at the terrified woman. He even persuaded the frightened, 23-year-old woman to pose in a provocative way while he took aim at her, with his weapon of choice.

Ribaric was jailed for three and a half years for torture at Zapresic, in Crotiia. A neighbor to Vedran was reported as saying, “Shooting a beautiful woman like her is crazy! Couldn’t he have practiced on a wild pig like everyone else?“. I anxiously await the story of which group gets to the neighbor first - PETA or any of the countless feminist groups that are going to jump on the implication that it’s not quite so crazy to shoot ugly women.

Airgun pellets do not usually penetrate the skin, but can do so at close range, it has been found. A shot to the eye, in particular, can be dangerous and sometimes fatal even. Consequently, British courts have taken a tough line against offences that involve the use of such weapons.

For the ignorant, these are knickers!

This photo placed here for educational purposes only! Mm. Sweet, sweet.. educational purposes.

 Blogger’s Comment: “All of my wit has been lost to the sight of that picture I posted. I’m afraid all of the blood going to my brain has been redirected to far more valuable functions.    Slowly.. losing.. typing… abilit..dskafjdfkd.”

VERO BEACH, Fla - A Vero Beach man is accused of assaulting his girlfriend (multiple times) with a McDonald’s cheeseburger, according to his arrest affidavit.

The woman told the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office that she was sitting in a car in front of the home that she shares with Vincent Gonzalez, 22, of the 300 block of 12th Road. The couple began to argue, and Gonzalez would not allow her to leave the car, the report said. The woman threw Gonzalez’s drink out of the car’s open window. In response, Gonzalez grabbed the woman’s arm and forced her own cheeseburger into her face. Both of them stepped out of the vehicle, and again, Gonzalez smashed the cheeseburger into the woman’s face.

The deputies charged Gonzalez with battery domestic violence. He remains in the Indian River County Jail, in lieu of his $1,000.00 bail.

Blogger’s Comment: “What?! We /never/ have exciting crime like this where I live! There is so much that I want to write here. I have such conflicted emotions over this. A small, dark part of me wants this man to take his bail, and then skip town, if just to see the bounty hunter that takes /that/ job.”