Life is Tragic

Uganda’s President thinks that Africans must work harder to develop ‘super weapons‘ so that their impoverished continent is no longer dominated by the developed world, a statement from his office has said. Speaking at the annual State House holiday party, Mr. Museveni further accused Africans of taking too many holidays, something he has said is fine for workers in wealthy nations, but was inhibiting development in Africa.

“We Africans are at the mercy of the developed world who have super weapons that could eliminate us from the face of the world in a whisker of time, but instead of working hard to reduce the technological gap, we are just sitting back.” Yoweri Museveni said in the statement received on Saturday.

“Mr. Museveni noted that nationals of the developed countries are in better positions to take leave off of their routine duties, but not Africans whose countries still need to overcome conditions of underdevelopment and poverty..“, the statement also said.

He specifically complained that Ugandans waste a lot of valuable time by going on unnecessary leave. The President, who has ruled the east African country since 1986, then handed out prizes to the hardest working members of his State House staff.

Blogger’s Comment: “NO. BAD PRESIDENT. NO. THIS IS NOT AN RTS (Real Time Strategy). NO. DO NOT MAKE ME SWAT YOU ON THE NOSE. WHICH I CAN DO. BECAUSE /WE/ HAVE SUPER WEAPO–…Oh..”.

Bev Stewart was sick of putting up with the petty argument that spawned every year during Boxing Day. It was the same as last year, and the year before, and so on, and so on. It was the family squabble over the coveted spot which offers a clear view of the television screen and easy access to the priceless remote control. With an expected 25-strong ‘rabble’ descending upon her house for the holiday, she decided that enough was enough, and placed the seat on eBay.

The seat was advertised as ‘a very comfy and popular item’ open to all members of the family - and Bev herself even offered to throw in a free cushion for those with an aching back. After the auction that involved guests and family, Bev’s daughter-in-law Alexis Stewart and her 11-month-old son Mark will now be sitting pretty after trumping seventeen other bids with her winning offer of 13.50 pounds.

The enterprising elder had this to say: “There is always arguing over who gets the spot. It’s the perfect seat. It is straight in front of the television and has got the coffee table at the side for you to rest your drink on, and for the television remote, so everybody always wants to sit there. Last year, I had a heavily pregnant daughter and a daughter-in-law who both gave birth in January, so they got the seat most of the time. This year it was up for grabs, though.”

Blogger’s Comment: “Oh man. This woman needs to be my grandma like… right now. Hopefully, the next thing that she puts up for grab on eBay is her mad merchanting skills. I’d bid on that. More old people need to be like this. My grandma doesn’t even know what the internet is. Calls it ‘magic’, she does. Completely serious.”